Raul Tabaranza blog

I would like to use some millennial terms as I express my gratitude at this moment and also of my departure for a new mission in South Africa. Frankly speaking, I am so very EAGANX (eager but anxious), specially that this would be my first time to work in this country. I am EXCITRRIED (excited but worried), if I would be able to perform my mission like I did fourteen years ago. As I am getting older (50 by now), the physical machine is no longer that fast. Every time I go and move to a new place, I always experience SEPANX (separation anxiety). I feel the pain of leaving, especially when I am already rooted to a place and with people. I have been asked many times what I am feeling right now going back to Africa. I am excited but not afraid. I told my community here in Sucat, that the only question I asked was that: Why I did not insist to the General Administration in Rome that I want to go back to my first love, MALAWI-ZAMBIA? But I guess, what is giving me the inner freedom

Do you feel more refreshed by spending time with people or by yourself? Inasmuch that I love being with people, I also love being with myself. I have many good friends, and depending to situations, countries and premises, I go and see people, move around with them, eat somewhere, party in their houses and visit places, chat, laugh and cry sometimes, and I always feel great with them. I find meaning of a life shared among many, as I was doing in England, Philippines, Rome, Africa and in the missions. People just give me life in return. But at the end of the day, I always long for solitude, just to sit down in silence. I guess this is already in my system, I got use of just being by myself, reading and writing a lot, doodling or painting. I think I am more productive in my silence, though some are for personal hobbies. I always long for a spiritual connection early morning and at the end of the day, I just stay in the chapel, sit down even without any words to say. At any time

Dearest Tourists and Pilgrims, Peace and God bless. Happy feast day of the Sacred Heart. At this point, we just finished our recollection, and now, we are on individual prayers before the Blessed Sacrament. As always, I take this moment of prayers to write down my reflection very spontaneously. Why I write to tourists and pilgrims? We were asked to situate ourselves as both tourists and pilgrims and ask within where our hearts are at the moment, or where my heart is by now. I love the images, because I myself have travelled in many parts of the world as a missionary, for meetings or workshops, and most often, I do side trips for touristic purposes and as pilgrim too. I have travelled to many holy sites as a pilgrim. At first! I look back that Eastertime, when two disciples were on a journey to Emmaus, with sad faces and broken hearts because of what happened to the master. Then, without recognizing, Jesus joined them on the road and taught them the scriptures and what is goin

IF MY BODY COULD TALK, IT WOULD SAY…. I would like to share my last two years in Zambia, Chikowa Mission, when I felt that I was slowly physically taken by malaria. This was in 2010-2012, when I was constantly attacked by malaria. I had my first malaria sometimes in 2007, four years after I arrived, and I was very confident that I would not get it. I was so used with the climate, the surroundings and the villages. I was moving evey week and sleeping in the villages was never a problem to me. My first attack was really terrible, and I thought I would die. In fact, I prayed already for forgiveness, then I also gave forgiveness to people who have hurt me. I lost all my energy, and literally, I crawled on the floor to open my door. I lost gradually my breathing, I was feeling very hot but also feeling very cold. Then I gathered all my power, and sat on the floor. That was the key, I breathed better. Slowly, I went for hot shower and was a bit relieved. I was brought to the hospit

Morning visit of Bursars- Civita di Bagnoregio, Viterbo, Italy Italy’s City Of The Dead: Civita di Bagnoregio is a mystical, magical city. Inhabited by only 14 full time residen ts, it is located deep in the Umbrian hill country. The city rises from the Canyon below almost totally isolated from the civilization around it. The last bridge to the city was bombed in World War II. A single narrow foot path was built after the war to reconnect the town to its neighbor, Bagnoregio. Civita di Bagnoregio was constructed in the 8th century by Etruscans and was, for a time, part of the Etruscan’s principle route to Rome. Entry into the town is accomplished by climbing the steep roadway on foot, or relying on a motorcycle or motor scooter. It is a tourist destination only for the adventurous and the strong. The trek is almost impossible for the frail or those with small children. For visitors willing and able to climb to Civita, the journey ends by walking through the city gate, carved fro

WHEN DID YOU MISS AN OPPORTUNITY YOU WISH YOU HAD TAKEN? WHY DID YOU TURN IT DOWN AT THAT TIME? When I was in the university, around 1987-88, I was nineteen years old then, I submitted a picture of mine to an agency through a friend in Manila, applying to become a commercial model. It was purely for fun and good luck, but I was also excited about it. I received a reply and I was asked to go to Manila to try, and I would start as a commercial model for toothpaste. They said they loved my smile. I was so happy for that. I come from a middle class family and I don’t have the resources for my stay there. My classmates offered to help me for the transport- boat fare. But I was so scared, what will happen to me in Manila? Where shall I stay? What will I eat? How will I survive? If there is no shooting, what will I do? And many other questions. I was not so brave enough to risk everything. I could have been a potential actor, who knows. But it was not the plan of God for me. My d

HAVE I DONE ANYTHING THAT IS WORTH REMEMBERING? (Nursing the wounds of little children in the mission) This was around 2004-2012, in Chikowa Mission, Zambia. I remember, when I arrived there, the road was really bad, some don’t have a road at all. They only have small pathways, and for me to go to the villages, I really had to walk sometimes in the scorching heat of the sun. I got used of sleeping in the villages, mostly from Wednesday to Sunday, so I had more chance of visiting the people, praying with them, visiting the sick, anointing and giving communion, chatting with them, and reaching other Christians. I normally visited deep villages, there were no schools, no clinics except little huts made of mud and grass. Some of the outstations are very far, so we had to move as a team. Some youth to teach little children, Math, English, and others. In our team were women too, who had to deal with women and elderly, and some men or a Catechist to do some catechesis to adults. M

SURPRISES OF LIFE O Lord Jesus, God of surprises, Thank you for the wisdom imparted in me, Thank your for the mission, This vocation is the biggest surprise in my whole life. When I look at myself right now, I am full of surprises how you prepared my life. My past reveals something, though some came through pains. You have allocated my life for something. As I do a lot of revisions in this year of formation I see that that my past is a ladder, That as I climbed up, I also struggled with fear and heights, Yet you have surprised me with immense strength beyond my understanding. Thank you dear Lord Your surprises transformed me into a strong person. Continue to instill in my heart The joy of being surprised by you. Amen. Fr. Raul B. Tabaranza, mccj

This happened just recently before covid time. I was in the village to visit some sick people. There were about seven old men and women in the list, sick and and old and they could not go to church anymore. I would like to talk only two of them, which I think was really touching for me. They brought me to an old woman. She was completely bent. She had a stroke in the past, limping and could not talk properly. I waited at the small sala of her house. When she came out, as if heaven was on her side, very happy for the visit, and really prepared herself. We started our prayer, then I anointed her, gave her communion and then we closed our prayer. We chatted a bit. I never expected that she asked somebody to prepare snacks for us. Then she gave me the two bottle of two-liter soft drinks. Besides that, she gave me an offering, big enough! Of course, I refused the offering, seeing of her situation. I really thought that she would need it more than I do. But she was very insi

I would like to share another contemplation of mine, which for me is really meaningful. July 15th, 2006 ​There is a beautiful Psalm that I would like to start reflecting today, Psalm 131: A prayer of humble trust. “Lord, I have given up my pride and turned away from my arrogance. I am not concerned with great matters or with subjects too difficult for me. Instead, I am content and at peace. As a child lies quietly in its mother’s arms, so my heart is quiet within me. Israel trust in the Lord now and forever!” ​My soul truly feels I am that Israel, called for such a humble trust and confidence to the Master. I am that proud Israel, who turned away from God, whose heart is stained with sin and deceit, whose arrogance maybe hidden but manifesting. Today, my soul is called not only to acknowledge all my inconsistencies but also my failures and shortcomings. ​I love very much the image of the Child in the Mother’s Arms, peaceful and quiet, secured and given much warmth and protect

MEDITATION- HOSEA 11 August 11, 2004 12:00Noon (Just another scattered thoughts) RAUL, IT WAS I WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO WALK: ​For me this is one of the most striking images in the text. I imagine the Lord, like a mother, with all His patience exercising my limbs, feet and muscles so that I may learn how to walk. He is there also caressing me with love, and most of all, sacrificing everything for me. ​The Lord took me in His arms, full of promises, assurances and protection. He never allowed my fragile self to be destroyed, knowing how vulnerable my body is. I have full but creative imagination of the Lord, picking me up where I could do nothing, and with all His love and attention, poured on me what is lacking in my life. ​The Father took care of my fragile soul and nourished it with spiritual food. He used people, events and other expressions of love. Compared to a little child, my soul is completely dependent on Him. I could do nothing, like a very defenceless child- very

CONSUME ME MY LORD…. Raul Tabaranza (Directed Retreat 2004) Lord, I have a very materialistic fear, Pride moves within me. At times, I refuse to go up to the mountain, But rather be contented with the world. I dream of a project But fear put it down. For I feel like a powerless soul. Father, Fire that never dies, Burn all my inequities, Melt my anxieties with the tenderness of your love Absorb my whole being, Set my heart ablaze, Consume my soul and purify me. Today, as you wish, I take off my sandals, I will step on the holy ground and bare all my insecurities. Tomorrow, I will set off for my mission, Make the place holy as you are holy. Allow the holy mission to become a part of me. You are Providence, Let your superabundance be overflowing. I will never be able to do my best without you. Consume me, Absorb me, Transform me, Refashion me, Make my work holy For today I will prepare the way for you to pass through the roads of the earth a

Raul (Long is my nickname) your smile is something I will never forget. I gushed with pride when you were in my womb; When I taught you how to walk; Your tiny little footsteps filled my heart with joy. You moved around the ground independently. Going home sometimes messy and dirty, Clothes so smelly, Sweat running down from your forehead. I thought I would be left with frustrations of your carelessness; But pride wrapped me too For you were so vivacious and full of life; With mind so sharp to understand our life. Now you are already grown-up I thought I could hold you to be still my little boy You have matured and I wished to hold you where you left; Handsome young man, still my boy, my dear son All rolled into one You have given me so much of your love; You have passed by and still would give me a hug You offered your life to God while I was on bed, invalid. You have shared your whole being as I have prayed. My little boy has proven to be a man of God. You have remained h

PETER THE ROCK: SIMON, SON OF JOHN, DO YOU LOVE ME? (Jn 21:15-19) We were watching a 12-minute movie clip about PETER, which focuses more on the aspect of Peter’s discouragements, his pain in denying the Lord, going back to fishing, miraculous catch, and his encounter with Jesus. I did not show my tears, but I really shed a few tears. I just find his encounter with the Lord so very touching, when Jesus looked at him and hugged him and still trusted him in spite of his denials. It is truly amazing how the Lord deals us, and He would never ask about our mistakes. As long as He sees that we are heartily sorry for our sins, that is more than enough for Him. His forgiveness is overflowing. 1. Community aspect- I was so touched looking at the rest of the disciples, rejoicing knowing that Jesus is alive again, and Peter, secretly, escaped and hid himself in his room, crying. Memories with Jesus were flashing, and he was there repeatedly saying “I failed the Lord.” Peter is supposed

I would like to share once again part of my contemplation during my retreat this year in Rome. Again, I wrote this very spontaneously, so ideas are a bit scattered. Hope you like it. John 1:35-51 COME AND SEE The letter I received from our vocation director in 1990, as a response to my inquiry to the Comboni Missionaries was the same in the gospel today “Come and See”. It was a way to enter the postulancy. I see that this is also a program of Jesus in this text. He invited them to "come and see", and then to become his disciples. My first impression is that, Jesus is like a Magnet. He attracted people to follow him and to desire for His presence. Jesus had no fixed housing, He was homeless, He was like a nomad. But he had characteristics opposite to the other religious leaders. I feel that this is the rason why He was attractive to people- He was very radical. I also feel the eagerness of John the Baptist's two disciples- this man Jesus is so simple and deep

I was so touched by the preaching of our retreat master this morning about the little crosses that we carry. I thought of writing a little bit about this. In the past, the cross was seen as a punishment, a defeat or a loss. Many were crucified for public scandals. But after the death of Jesus, the cross became a symbol of victory. Jesus triumphed over death. Today, as I was reflecting on the cross, few things came into my mind. I went through some little crucifixions in my journey to priesthood and as a missionary in Africa. I have shared these things many times to you. Just when I joined the seminary, my mother had her final stroke that completely made her paralyzed. I was even asked in the seminary if I want to leave. I said I will continue, I trust that the Lord will take good care of my mother. She was almost dying on my first holiday, and my relatives asked me if I have to go back to the seminary. I said “yes”, but that was the most painful yes I have ever said in

This is another contemplation during my retreat in Rome this year that I would like to share with you. Again, these are just scattered thoughts, so forgive me. Genesis 3:1-21 What caught my attention right away is the Serpent, a real seducer and instrument of Satan. He has a very vile purpose to destroy Adam and Eve. He injected a doubt on Eve, pretending to give enlightenment and promised knowledge and awareness if they will eat the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Eve was the object of the attack, because she was very frail, she was alone, very far from the intervention or counsels of Adam. She did not probably understand the effect of eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. It is strange that we take for granted temptation very easily. There is material temptation and other forms of vanities. Even here in the retreat, there is always the temptation of Internet, phone and sensualities. There is even temptation in words, lies, deceit, painful words, that myself

7:30pm ADORATION Dear Raul@34, As of this writing, I am on a retreat in Lyndenburg, and I really thought of you a lot, because even just on the introduction of the retreat, and on the first day too, I saw a lot of similarities in your life, so I thought of writing this letter to you, as a reminder of the beautiful gift of vocation you have received from the Lord. Your priesthood….. The retreat master started with s short verse from the gospel of Matthew 13:45-46. The story of a merchant who sold everything in order to buy the most very expensive Pearl. Being a merchant, he must be a very rich man, but he was not happy, because there was something missing. He was longing for the most expensive Pearl. He sold everything, practically everything he had, as jokingly, our retreat master said, even the chairs and tables and what he had in the house. He bought the Pearl and the result was great joy. He got rid of everything that he owned, the Pearl was everything for him, and he expe

Before I entered the novitiate in 1998, we were sent for a work experience for three months. I was asked to work in the hospital. We were three actually who were sent in the hospital, but I will only share here my personal experience. We rented a room, and we used also our salary for the rent, provisions, transport and other necessary expenditures. I worked as a janitor in one of the biggest hospitals in Manila, but it was a secret. I was assigned on the the third floor, cleaning the wards, polishing the floor and also at the Intensive Care Unit. I will share first the funny side of my experience. Our uniform was white and gray pants. Since I had a fair skin, people in the hospital called me many times “doctor” by mistake. Many times, students and patients too, thought I was a doctor, and I just laughed. Sometimes, I had to show them the mop and tell them, “I am a janitor here.” They would laugh. My fellow janitors didn’t believe also that I am a janitor. One of them, ask

I would like to look back from the year 1974-1980, from Grade 1 to Grade 6, when there was no electricity yet in our town. Sibutad is just a small town of Zamboanga Del Norte, and we moved there for good around 1973, and we were just temporarily staying in a tent because we were selling dry goods, ready to wear clothes and groceries. I formally started my Grade 1 there as a visitor because my brother Edgar would cry going to school by himself. As a visitor, I was not even enrolled as Grade 1, though I was in school everyday. It was my teacher, Mrs. Lolita Tolentino, who said, that my marks are high and I could cope up, so I must be officially enrolled as Grade 1 instead of a visitor. Recess time, with ten centavos, we could get a good snack. Then we ran underground of our school to play rubber bands or to collect some insects from the dusty area. In the afternoon, with five centavos, nutri bun was also ready. Our old school had a long hall way, we used to clean the whole hall

Castel Gandolfo (Italian pronunciation: [kasˈtɛl ɡanˈdɔlfo] Latin: Castrum Gandulphi, colloquially Castello in the Castelli Romani dialects) is a town located 15 miles (24 kilometres) southeast of Rome in the Lazio region of Italy.[1] Occupying a height on the Alban Hills overlooking Lake Albano, Castel Gandolfo has a population of approximately 8,834 residents and is considered one of Italy's most scenic towns.[2] Within the town's boundaries lies the Apostolic Palace of Castel Gandolfo which serves as a summer residence and vacation retreat for the pope, the leader of the Catholic Church. Although the palace is located within the borders of Castel Gandolfo, it has extraterritorial status as one of the properties of the Holy See and is not under Italian jurisdiction. The resort community includes almost the whole coastline of Lake Albano which is surrounded by many summer residences, villas, and cottages built during the 17th century. It houses the Stadio Olimpico that stage

Lake Albano (Italian: Lago Albano or Lago di Castel Gandolfo) is a small volcanic crater lake in the Alban Hills of Lazio, at the foot of Monte Cavo, 20 kilometres (12 mi) southeast of Rome. Castel Gandolfo, overlooking the lake, is the site of the Papal Palace of Castel Gandolfo. In Roman times it was known as Albanus Lacus and lay not far from the ancient city of Alba Longa. With a depth of about 170 m (560 ft), Lake Albano is the deepest in Lazio. The lake is 3.5 km (2.2 mi) long by 2.3 km (1.4 mi) wide, and was formed by the overlapping union of two volcanic craters, an origin indicated by the ridge in its center, which rises to a height of 70 m (230 ft). Plutarch reports that in 406 BC the lake surged over the surrounding hills, despite there being no rain nor tributaries flowing into the lake to account for the rise in water level. The ensuing flood destroyed fields and vineyards before eventually pouring into the sea. Around 395 BC, during the wars between Rome and Veii, a disch

From Grade V to High School, in our English classes, we had Formal Themes, and we had to write them in that hour, submit to the teacher for corrections and marks. Writing was always my favorite, and I elaborate in details my thoughts and reflections. I guess, since I was young, I was already a reflective person, and I normally express them in a form of diary or journal. One of the themes was this question above. “What I want to be when I grow up?” Always, I express my desire to be a doctor. Priesthood was not in my mind at that time. I wanted to study any course in Science and proceed to become a doctor. That was my only wish. When we were young, our town, Sibutad was very rural. When somebody gets sick, they had to be brought to Dipolog City or Dapitan City. This desire was more strengthened, because I was living with a sickly mother. I have shared in the past, her series of strokes and how we even had to hire a car in the middle of the night to rush her to the hospital.

This is a very spontaneous and very scattered reflection that I have made during my retreat. I hope you find it meaningful. MATTHEW 6:25-34 Do not value possessions enough to worry about them. My first realization is never to doubt God’s power to provide. God guarantees us what we need in life. He sustains me and protects my body. He feeds me like birds in the sky or covers me like flowers in the field. Wealth does not matter for God will provide our genuine needs. When I was still in the mission or in the Philippines, I tend to get worried about production, how much work I have made for the day, or I should do this and that etc. Sometimes, I am just a worrier, what to say or what to do with people, forgetting that God provides and that my work is His mission. God promises our basic needs. If He cares about the plants and animals, how much more to me? I am worthy, much more than them. He provides me adequately, things necessary for my physiological needs and to cov

Yesterday was my anniversary of Priesthood ordination. I intended to keep it to myself, in silence and simplicity. I am very used with the simplicty of my special days in Africa, most of the times I was in the jungle for ministry or gathering firewood and other activities. I never had a real party or one, normally everything in silence. The Lord has been so good to me, planted me in a very fertile mission, allowed me to explore many possibilities and gave me strength to face all difficulties and to cherish also wonderful moments. He brought me to far away places beyond my imagination! Too much of generosity to this poor soul! Thank you Lord for the gift of my vocation! Above all, my thanksgiving to my parents and family, who were so generous enought to offer me to the mission. I always dedicate my vocation to my late mother, who was a real support to me. When she was still bedridden and invalid, we have agreed to be partners- I will do the mission and she will do the contemplat

The day is almost over and my anniversary of priesthood ends but starts also a new beginning. I don’t know why, I still feel very much excited every time I think about my birthday, but much more of my priesthood anniversary. Though I try as much as possible to be silent, my heart still leaps; it is like throbbing because of excitement. Years have passed. Truly, priesthood is a marriage. You fall in love then you commit. As you commit, love grows into higher level, that sometimes, it is so difficult to describe. At times I feel unworthy, but what an honour it is! My soul is truly privileged. To act in the person of Christ to the public is a great blessing and privilege, but it carries also great obligation and responsibilities. I take this always as a daily challenge, to serve with diligence and enthusiasm. I am also human, I get tired and upset, but I will always root on my calling- as the Lord’s authorized servant and a missionary at all times in all places. And I will al

For my anniversary of priesthood reflection, September 4, 2004. Sorry, these are just scattered thoughts. WHY DID GOD CHOOSE ME? I am not worthy? ABRAHAM was a bit stubborn guy. Yet God called him, answered the call of God and led his flock and at old age. I answered the call of God a bit late. I enjoyed the world in my own way. I sinned and made mistakes too. Yet God called me. It is not my past and in my own doings that God has called me. He wanted me for what I will become. MOSES was a great man, who had a big role in the freedom of the Israelites. But MOSES was a murderer and ran away from facing the responsibility. He killed an Egyptian and wanted it hidden. When he was found to be guilty, he escaped. Yet God brought him back to his own people for a mission, setting them free through the wilderness. There are many other saints, who were naughty and adulterous, sinners, who squandered riches, yet they came back to the church, because God saw of what they could becom