MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME?
MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME?
It is a very painful question! I couldn’t really picture out Jesus crying in despair, in agony and pain. It is the cry of a heart, deserted and frustrated. Why Jesus, God the Son, expressed His pain in such agony? Was there really separation with Him and the Father?
I kept reflecting on this question, when suddenly I heard a lot of cries in my prayer: “Mulungu wanga, Mulungu wanga, mwatisiyiranji?” These are cries of people from my mission (Chichewa language- Chipata, Zambia) and far villages. When I go out to visit the sick and anoint HIV-AIDS patients, their tears and cries are telling me a great question from their hearts: Why God made me like? Jesus bathed Himself with blood, thirsty and hungry, beaten and scourged to death. In front of me are these sick people, hungry, no proper food and diet, skinny and bony, no proper medicine, grasping for breath, crying in pain, in complete agony, sleeping on the ground (no beds in the villages) in a small hut made of mud and grass. They feel the pain of separation, as Jesus did on the cross. Always it makes me uneasy and pained, why do they have to suffer like this. Jesus felt more than physical pain, more than spiritual barrenness, and so these people.
People come knocking the door of our mission, crying: “Bambo, mutithandize, njala lomba, sitinadya kanthu.” Father help us, we are hungry, we haven’t eaten! Children are crying for school fees, old women are crying because of drought, no harvest! People are coming in for a ‘piece work’ to get something for maize porridge! Are these not cries of despair and frustrations? Why all these feelings of abandonment and separation? Why do they have to suffer when there is so much in the world to share? Are these cries of revolution; that people should wake up and learn how to share and to take care of the lost, the least, the last and the most abandoned?
I have a mission in my care called Kasweta, 180 kilometers from our Mission Area, in the middle of the park where wild animals such as lions, elephants, buffaloes and others are present. No school, no clinic, no means of transport, no money except little fields. People have to walk for three days, crossing five mountains to reach the hospital. Many of them die on the way. They make mats to barter for salt and second hand clothes. They cry of abandonment. Isn’t it the cry of Jesus in His complete poverty on the cross? Jesus cried more than what was the content of His heart, because He was even abandoned by His own apostles. He has to face His death all alone?
“Bambo, ngati inu ansembe mudzatisiya, tidzachita chiyani?: Father, if you priests will leave us here alone, what shall we do? It is an expensive mission, no proper road as we cross hills and the National Park. We risk physically, economically, cars and others. I feel that cry of the Lord, yet I also feel that I have to let these people know and listen the cry of the Lord. Their sufferings, my own missionary sufferings are interconnected to that cry and suffering of Jesus. We are all incorporated! We never lose hope, we cry in despair, but our cries are ‘cries of affection and complete abandonment.’
Loneliness is part of our missionary journey, and to make it personal, my missionary journey. One night, I was in another village, just sitting around the fire by night. We prayed the rosary around the fire. I looked up high and counted the stars and wondered. My life is really amazing! I cried in silence. I was in complete darkness, given a small hut with four open windows and door made of grass stalks. I was really vulnerable in that darkness for animals could come anytime. But I was tired too; that I even forgot to remove my shoes. I just laid my mattress and put the mosquito net. I entertained myself first playing games from my phone, but my tired body surrendered. Then I was awaken by the chatting of women while sweeping the surroundings. It was early morning, and it was one of my best nights in my life. That is complete abandonment!
Jesus did not stop asking the Father while on the cross. In the end, He thanked the Father, gave His forgiveness, and then surrendered His Spirit, completely throwing Himself to the Father before entering into the darkness of the earth.
I somehow understood that cries of despair are necessary. Tears of isolation and moments of rejection should be cherished. One day, we will wake up refreshed and strengthened after the heavy battle. Perhaps, this will happen up above.
Never be afraid to cry out: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He is just there, looking in complete silence, with full of affection, as the Good Shepherd does to the lost ones.
PRAYER
Jesus, who would ever understand your cry? I cannot even imagine the pain you went through and the real outpouring of your poverty. The ‘poverty of your Spirit’ is what I am praying this time. Into your hands, I recommend the souls of my suffering people in the mission, the sick and the dying, the infected ones of HIV-AIDS, their cries of pain and agony. They cry as you did: “Why me Lord?” “Why did you make me suffer like this?”
Hear their cries, console their souls
Comfort their aching bodies.
For you are their only source of strength
I beg you Jesus, to forgive my inefficiencies,
When I ignore the cries of my people,
When I forget to give comfort and healing.
I also ask you to keep always the sacredness of your work in my hands.
Pardon my insensitivities
When I didn’t hear by heart their cries of pains
When I worked only for my own good
And when I allowed my selfishness to reign
It is through your initiative that I may continue to manifest your crying of abandonment
Make my whole being a real offering
Take away my pride and selfishness
And all vanities that are lingering in my flesh
Jesus, how can I ever thank you for the generosity of your soul?
For suffering for me in spite of my sins
For crying to the Father in my behalf
Thank you for making me live through your death
Into your hands, I abandon my soul
For I know you will never forsake me.
Amen
RAUL TABARANZA
It is a very painful question! I couldn’t really picture out Jesus crying in despair, in agony and pain. It is the cry of a heart, deserted and frustrated. Why Jesus, God the Son, expressed His pain in such agony? Was there really separation with Him and the Father?
I kept reflecting on this question, when suddenly I heard a lot of cries in my prayer: “Mulungu wanga, Mulungu wanga, mwatisiyiranji?” These are cries of people from my mission (Chichewa language- Chipata, Zambia) and far villages. When I go out to visit the sick and anoint HIV-AIDS patients, their tears and cries are telling me a great question from their hearts: Why God made me like? Jesus bathed Himself with blood, thirsty and hungry, beaten and scourged to death. In front of me are these sick people, hungry, no proper food and diet, skinny and bony, no proper medicine, grasping for breath, crying in pain, in complete agony, sleeping on the ground (no beds in the villages) in a small hut made of mud and grass. They feel the pain of separation, as Jesus did on the cross. Always it makes me uneasy and pained, why do they have to suffer like this. Jesus felt more than physical pain, more than spiritual barrenness, and so these people.
People come knocking the door of our mission, crying: “Bambo, mutithandize, njala lomba, sitinadya kanthu.” Father help us, we are hungry, we haven’t eaten! Children are crying for school fees, old women are crying because of drought, no harvest! People are coming in for a ‘piece work’ to get something for maize porridge! Are these not cries of despair and frustrations? Why all these feelings of abandonment and separation? Why do they have to suffer when there is so much in the world to share? Are these cries of revolution; that people should wake up and learn how to share and to take care of the lost, the least, the last and the most abandoned?
I have a mission in my care called Kasweta, 180 kilometers from our Mission Area, in the middle of the park where wild animals such as lions, elephants, buffaloes and others are present. No school, no clinic, no means of transport, no money except little fields. People have to walk for three days, crossing five mountains to reach the hospital. Many of them die on the way. They make mats to barter for salt and second hand clothes. They cry of abandonment. Isn’t it the cry of Jesus in His complete poverty on the cross? Jesus cried more than what was the content of His heart, because He was even abandoned by His own apostles. He has to face His death all alone?
“Bambo, ngati inu ansembe mudzatisiya, tidzachita chiyani?: Father, if you priests will leave us here alone, what shall we do? It is an expensive mission, no proper road as we cross hills and the National Park. We risk physically, economically, cars and others. I feel that cry of the Lord, yet I also feel that I have to let these people know and listen the cry of the Lord. Their sufferings, my own missionary sufferings are interconnected to that cry and suffering of Jesus. We are all incorporated! We never lose hope, we cry in despair, but our cries are ‘cries of affection and complete abandonment.’
Loneliness is part of our missionary journey, and to make it personal, my missionary journey. One night, I was in another village, just sitting around the fire by night. We prayed the rosary around the fire. I looked up high and counted the stars and wondered. My life is really amazing! I cried in silence. I was in complete darkness, given a small hut with four open windows and door made of grass stalks. I was really vulnerable in that darkness for animals could come anytime. But I was tired too; that I even forgot to remove my shoes. I just laid my mattress and put the mosquito net. I entertained myself first playing games from my phone, but my tired body surrendered. Then I was awaken by the chatting of women while sweeping the surroundings. It was early morning, and it was one of my best nights in my life. That is complete abandonment!
Jesus did not stop asking the Father while on the cross. In the end, He thanked the Father, gave His forgiveness, and then surrendered His Spirit, completely throwing Himself to the Father before entering into the darkness of the earth.
I somehow understood that cries of despair are necessary. Tears of isolation and moments of rejection should be cherished. One day, we will wake up refreshed and strengthened after the heavy battle. Perhaps, this will happen up above.
Never be afraid to cry out: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He is just there, looking in complete silence, with full of affection, as the Good Shepherd does to the lost ones.
PRAYER
Jesus, who would ever understand your cry? I cannot even imagine the pain you went through and the real outpouring of your poverty. The ‘poverty of your Spirit’ is what I am praying this time. Into your hands, I recommend the souls of my suffering people in the mission, the sick and the dying, the infected ones of HIV-AIDS, their cries of pain and agony. They cry as you did: “Why me Lord?” “Why did you make me suffer like this?”
Hear their cries, console their souls
Comfort their aching bodies.
For you are their only source of strength
I beg you Jesus, to forgive my inefficiencies,
When I ignore the cries of my people,
When I forget to give comfort and healing.
I also ask you to keep always the sacredness of your work in my hands.
Pardon my insensitivities
When I didn’t hear by heart their cries of pains
When I worked only for my own good
And when I allowed my selfishness to reign
It is through your initiative that I may continue to manifest your crying of abandonment
Make my whole being a real offering
Take away my pride and selfishness
And all vanities that are lingering in my flesh
Jesus, how can I ever thank you for the generosity of your soul?
For suffering for me in spite of my sins
For crying to the Father in my behalf
Thank you for making me live through your death
Into your hands, I abandon my soul
For I know you will never forsake me.
Amen
RAUL TABARANZA
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