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CHANGE

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There is another beautiful message in the gospel today. In my fifties by now, many things have changed in my life. Since from my child in Mapang, Rizal ZN, to our transfer to Sibutad ZN, to high school and college, working in the bank, moving around the world and becoming a missionary, so many many things have changed. Changes that brought positivity and great joy in my life. But there were changes also that brought pain, death in the family, hardships in studies, rejections, broken relationships, difficulties in the mission, harassments and many forms of pains and hostilities that almost brought downfall in my life. But all the same, whether negative or positive, we have to welcome changes. You see in the gospel today, people were very much admiring of the temple in Jerusalem- the altar decorated with precious gem, very expensive stones. The beautiful temple was adored by people and it became the centre of worship. But so many are just admiring of the beauty of the material c
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GIFT OF TEARS

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"There is nothing left to fear than the harshness of a heart of stone. There the monks pray to God for the “gift of tears” so that their hearts might find comfort.” And according to the author, Freddy Dewahl, “The gift of tears- judging from Jean-Pierre’s face, he has cried many tears out of gratitude.” This is another powerful message for me. The gift of tears. I asked myself, “When was the last time that I cried?” I cried when I celebrated the funeral of my Tsonga teacher, Douglas. He was so young, just in his 30’s. He died early of 2021, very sudden, not even showing any illness. He became a good friend to me. We shared a lot of jokes as we both dug deeper the language. I cried too when a confrere of the community died last year. At 92, Fr. Aldo was full of energy and wisdom. We argued many times, but on his deathbed, he requested me to sit at his side to listen to his confessions. Then I was also the one who closed his eyes for the last time. But I cried more i
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Lukewarm in prayer

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Thomas Merton said that: " If we really want prayer, we'll have to give it time, we must slow down to a human tempo and we'll begin to have time to listen. And as soon as we listen to what is going on, things will begin to take shape themselves." I really think about this deeply, because as if I live a busy life, and even if I pray, I feel I pray very little. I should say, I really spend a lot of time for personal silence and prayer, but I feel I pray little. I don't know why. I love what Merton said: "Today, time is a commodity, and for each one of us, time is mortgaged." Like time is about work and commitments, it is about office things, business and accounting. Time is about social media and many other forms of communications, mostly with virtual friends. We forget the time of God, the "kairos" moment, and I guess it brings us back into personal silence and prayer. Kairos is that qualitative time of life, the opportune time, the
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Spiritual Anguish

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THE ANGUISH This thought I just borrowed, which seemed fitting to my painting. There is the positive side of Anguish- Spiritual Anguish. “11Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. 12Am I a sea, or a whale, that thou settest a watch over me? 13When I say, My bed shall comfort me, my couch shall ease my complaint; 14Then thou scarest me with dreams, and terrifiest me through visions: 15So that my soul chooseth strangling, and death rather than my life. 16I loathe it; I would not live alway: let me alone; for my days are vanity. 17What is man, that thou shouldest magnify him? and that thou shouldest set thine heart upon him? 18And that thou shouldest visit him every morning, and try him every moment? 19How long wilt thou not depart from me, nor let me alone till I swallow down my spittle? 20I have sinned; what shall I do unto thee, O thou preserver of men? why hast thou set me as a mark
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God desires to be my thirst

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GOD DESIRES TO BE MY THIRST “God desires to be my thirst. By retreating, He lets me discover Himself. By concealing, He reveals His secrets; and by withholding Himself from us, He delivers Himself.” Excerpt from the book of Hadewijch, a Flemish mystic of the Middle Ages. This is also quoted by Freddy Derwahl, the author of the Last Monk of Tibhirine. I really don’t know why these words caught my attention while reading the book. Perhaps, I could see these lines very relatable to me. There was a time in my life that I was filled with spiritual barrenness, though I was exercising my mission with so much energy and enthusiasm. People have seen me so warm, happy and energetic. They even called me “happy man” because of my happy disposition. But deep within me was a deep longing and spiritual drowsiness. I thought I was just exhausted. It was more than that, I just felt that my well was drying out. The water inside was like finishing. I was spiritually gasping. I prayed and p
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Letter to my Mother

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Letter to my mother.... Dearest Nanay, I am just missing you. I guess this big and empty space in my heart is because I am longing for you. It has been 18 years since you left and I am still feeling this great emptiness within me. I am so sorry I was not with you in your difficult moments until you departed. I understand the reason of my pain, of my sadness and longing for affection now. As I am trying to process my whole journey in this sabbatical year, this emotion is a constant issue, occurring many times in my encounters with my psychologist. It is because I have not expressed to you in words my gratitude. Thank you very much for everything. Thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for raising me. Thank you for educating me, for allowing me to grow as a good citizen. Thank you for all the efforts, the hard work, for waking up so early to attend for our daily needs. Thank you for loving me. I am a good son. I have good brothers and sister, in-laws, nieces and and nephews.
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FEEL THE VIBRATIONS OF OTHERS....

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If you know the story or have read the story of the “Knight In a Rusty Armour, you will love the proud knight in the end. Because he loves his armour so much, that he even wears everything even in eating or sleeping. His wife and son could not really figure out what is his face. They argued always and his wife threatened to leave the knight if he will not remove his armour. The knight started getting worried, until he decided one day, to go to the ironsmith, but failed. The armour got stuck all over his body and face. So he went into the desert to ask the help of Merlin the magician. Now I just want to make a reflection in one of their encounters. Merlin asked the rabbits to chew some carrots and feed the Knight through his visor. The knight was very week of hunger, but still very proud. They had confrontations, but the knight was still very much hard headed at that time, unable to listen, but always argued with Merlin and the rabbits. The knight complained to Merlin that
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THE LORD CARES IN A SPECIAL WAY FOR THE PARENTS OF A PRIEST

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These are the words of the father of Bro. Jean-Pierre Schumacker, from the book "The Last Monk of Tibbirine". Actually, he is a priest, but because of their monastic tradition, they all call each other Brother. Jean-Pierre is the last survivor of the monks of Tibbirine. He lived alongside the seven Trappist Monks, who were killed during the Algerian Civil War. They were men who witnessed to the grace and peace of Jesus. "The Lord cares in a special way for the parents of a priest”, is a very powerful line for me. Jean-Pierre had witnessed the death of His own father, and before he closed his eyes for the last time, he uttered these wonderful words. Unfortunately, I did not witness the death of my mother, as I was studying Theology in England. I would have heard her last words also, and I just imagine what she would have said to me. When I joined the seminary, I told her (while she was lying bedridden and invalid) that "You will do the contemplation here in y
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When you are bored, what happens?

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When you are bored, what happens? When I am bored, sometimes I get more fruitful. When I am bored, I just sit down, and very easily, my hands take my brushes and paints and I start painting, or I doodle or write something, as I also write a lot. Very seldom I get lazy and bored because I have some outlets to do. As I have said, I become fruitful, because I see something coming out of my boredom. So I feel that boredom does not exist to me. Hahahahaha But there are times that I really feel tired and sleepy, and so I give in. I don’t take it as boredom. I know that my body craves for sleep sometimes, and I don’t want to deny my body for that. I treat my body so well. When I feel sleepy, I pamper my body by giving extra sleep. It is healthy I supposed, or else I will work tired and spend the rest of the day with a very heavy feeling. Also when I feel there is nothing to do, I go and see my rabbits and chickens, or my plants and the garden. These are another hobbies that giv
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RAUL, WHERE ARE YOU?

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RETREAT ADAM, WHERE ARE YOU? RAUL, WHERE ARE YOU? Adam was not a happy person because he was feeling very lonely. So God decided to give him a company, Eve. Then Adam became a very happy man. It seems like God, Adam and Eve were living in the same roof, and they used to go for a walk in the garden. Their relationship was perfect. And Adam and Eve were not ashamed of their nakedness. One day, God was surprised not to see Adam and Eve, so He called Adam, “Where are you?” God knew exactly where they were, but He called them to have a personal answer from Adam. But now Adam and Eve were not comfortable anymore because they were naked. The hid themselves behind the trees, and they covered their naked bodies with leaves of the trees. That was the start of the BLAME GAME. Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent (Satan). They became victims of the tempter. They allowed themselves to be victimized by a THIRD PARTY. They broke their relationship with God, afraid, ashamed, unco
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