GIFT OF TEARS

"There is nothing left to fear than the harshness of a heart of stone. There the monks pray to God for the “gift of tears” so that their hearts might find comfort.” And according to the author, Freddy Dewahl, “The gift of tears- judging from Jean-Pierre’s face, he has cried many tears out of gratitude.” This is another powerful message for me. The gift of tears. I asked myself, “When was the last time that I cried?” I cried when I celebrated the funeral of my Tsonga teacher, Douglas. He was so young, just in his 30’s. He died early of 2021, very sudden, not even showing any illness. He became a good friend to me. We shared a lot of jokes as we both dug deeper the language. I cried too when a confrere of the community died last year. At 92, Fr. Aldo was full of energy and wisdom. We argued many times, but on his deathbed, he requested me to sit at his side to listen to his confessions. Then I was also the one who closed his eyes for the last time. But I cried more in 2018, with my psychologist, as we unraveled deeper personal issues, which had lasting effects in my life. There were little tears in the past, but mostly of gratitude and a bit of sadness. Tears means healing, and when you express them to the Lord, you feel that special kind of comfort. Reading also about the story of these seven contemplative martyrs, I cried deep within, not only of sadness, but of great admiration, how they stood in times of great trials, and how they remained steadfast till the end of their lives. The story of the monks of Tibhirine is really very touching, but above all, so inspiring and encouraging for the church. Jean-Pierre said that he often cries of gratitude for what the Lord has done to him. This old monk, offered his whole life to the Lord. I thought deeply, seriously, when did I cry out of gratitude? I entered the Postulancy at Daniel Comboni Seminary in 1996, and so many things have changed. The course of my life revolves around my missionary life, and I cannot express in words my gratitude to the Lord. The mission is my home. The community is my new family. I appreciate more that sense of detachment from my blood family and relatives, because as we are detached physically, the more we are attached spiritually. I feel more close to them in my prayers. My heart cries in gratitude for that. I left my home and I found a new home. I left my family and God gave me a new family. I cry in gratitude for the vocation, because God formed my soul in a way which is according to His will. He brought me to places far and wide. I thank God for everything. And therefore, I repeat my last words when I professed perpetually, “I give back to you O Lord what you have given to me, my precious life.” Amen

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