God desires to be my thirst

GOD DESIRES TO BE MY THIRST “God desires to be my thirst. By retreating, He lets me discover Himself. By concealing, He reveals His secrets; and by withholding Himself from us, He delivers Himself.” Excerpt from the book of Hadewijch, a Flemish mystic of the Middle Ages. This is also quoted by Freddy Derwahl, the author of the Last Monk of Tibhirine. I really don’t know why these words caught my attention while reading the book. Perhaps, I could see these lines very relatable to me. There was a time in my life that I was filled with spiritual barrenness, though I was exercising my mission with so much energy and enthusiasm. People have seen me so warm, happy and energetic. They even called me “happy man” because of my happy disposition. But deep within me was a deep longing and spiritual drowsiness. I thought I was just exhausted. It was more than that, I just felt that my well was drying out. The water inside was like finishing. I was spiritually gasping. I prayed and prayed, but my prayer was like in vain. I thought I was in a vocation crisis, but I was not. I made some bold decisions after, but I realized something was in store for me by God. He made Himself my thirst. I really thirst, day and night I was searching for something, which was almost impossible. My dryness or spiritual barrenness brought me down, but it led me to another sphere of my journey. I thought I would give up. God desired to be my thirst, so that I may be quenched from His own water, He the source of water Himself. He sent a messenger to rescue my drooping spirit. At times, the Lord conceals Himself. He hides, He makes us feel that He is absent. I longed and longed, but He seemed not listening. He concealed Himself from events and circumstances. I felt I was like a dancer without a partner. As if I was an eagle with only one wing. As my soul struggled, I discovered another part of me. The Lord revealed another part of Himself to me. Slowly slowly, I regained. I reclaimed my old self in a new way. There are times, He withholds Himself, not showing any sign of answer. But in truth, God answers all our prayers. Sometimes, He would say a big “No” for our own good. He does not pamper us with “Yes” all the time, or else we become greedy and just be thinking only for our personal gain. I take these words that I have discovered as my food for thought. One thing that is sure, the Lord never abandon His people, especially His chosen one. He cares, and that is without limit.