I don’t know why this question came into my mind, but I see a great importance to this. This brought me to my experience during the Comboni Year, or my year of Sabbatical in Rome. Each one of us were accompanied by a psychologist, and I was just so lucky to have a psychologist who helped me open the rest of my horizons, especially with friendships, relationship with others and the rest of the people who surrounded my life in the past years, and those who are also present in my life now.
Does it really matters what others think of me? I should say “yes” or “not at all”. There are words which are very constructive, from people who look at you as real dear friend, who is concern for your own good, and who is open to you no matter what. I said “yes” because their words can help for your growth, in relation to yourself and to others. Most of your true friends can tell you straightforward if there is something wrong or something needs to be done. They are not afraid to tell you the truth because their words are constructive and you take them as something special.
Some people are so called “fake friends”, they are just jealous by nature, or they envy your life that they could not find good in you. Some just love to make up stories, or to make fun of you, trying to put you down or even take advantage of your weaknesses. And without you knowing, you are already in their spell, their venom is starting to creep into your veins. Fake friends sometimes tell good things to you, but they have evil intentions. As the Zambians say: “Chikome kome cha mkamwa, kampeni kali pa mpunga” (I forgot the correct spelling). It means beautiful words, but the knife is hidden in the pocket. In South Africa, there is another saying: “Sasekile ehandle kambe endzeni i borile.” Beautiful from the outside, but inside is rotten.”
I said “not at all”, because I have found my combat. I don’t argue about their issues and complains about me. Sometimes, avoidance and silence are the best weapons. Many of them are just projecting their anger and hate in their childhood, they have a lot of unprocessed issues in their lives, they lack the man or woman figure, their families are broken and abusive, the inner child is not well attended, so their issues surface quite often, and if you allow yourself to be their victim, you lose a part of you. But my pychologist told me many times, “Your happiness should not be dictated by other people and how they react about you. If they don’t like you, that is their problem. As long as you do what you think is best, make it fruitful. Do your hobbies, cultivate your talents, be productive. If they go somewhere and they don’t invite you, go somewhere else, enjoy your time, have a self date, make more time for yourself.” Many times, it proved me right. I have found my best friend in me. I paint, I doodle, I watch movies at times, I walk alone, I work in the garden, I write, I sing and dance, I do tiktok at spare time, I prepare my homilies, I do my accounting works, then I cook and take care of my animals. And I am happy to the maximum. I am always occupied, whether in silence or with my community.
The words of my psychologist are like my daily mantra. “Nobody should dictate me to be happy or or not.” Some are just born complainers, looking cracks in your life, concentrating on your mistakes or weakness. And I don’t allow that to happen to me. I let them complain and complain, say something, but I never argue or add fuel. It does not help at all. It does not affect me that much too either. Just be confident and believe in your power within. Nobody will put you down. You will always have peace of mind.
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